


An Aching Wish

by writtenthroughtime



Series: WTT's Posts for ImagineClaireandJamie [7]
Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: AU, F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:04:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6757138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenthroughtime/pseuds/writtenthroughtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:<br/>Imagine that the stones failed the second time and Claire somehow made her way to France.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I paced around the lavish room, gently bouncing Brianna as I went and making soothing sounds of comfort in hopes of calming her whimpering cries. Jared’s Parisian apartment was home yet again, only this time, the ghosts of Faith and Jamie surrounded me. Everywhere I turned I could hear Jamie rummaging about— rustling papers, tossing his belt to the floor, talking, arguing, grunting in frustration—yet he was nowhere to be found. He never would be.

_Culloden had come with a thunderous stampede and I knew he would not survive the day on the battlefield. He didn’t want to. He thought he’d send me back through the stones to safety and to another man._

_It didn’t work. That day on the hill, tears had streamed down my face as swiftly as the blood flowed down my palm, and nothing happened. I touched the stones, thought of Frank, and nothing. No buzzing hum of trapped, screaming souls, no jerk behind my naval; there was nothing._

_I was trapped in the time I longed to be in, but without my husband. If I went to Lallybroch, I would be endangering the entire family. I could not let harm come to them. With reluctance, I made my way to France, hoping Jamie’s cousin Jared or the friends I had made there, would offer me safe haven. With luck, Jared found me shortly after my arrival and ushered me to his apartment, never questioning my loyalty or the reason Jamie was not with me._

_He knew._

_They all knew._

_Jamie was gone. I had nothing but the clothes on my back and the small precious gift that was safe inside my womb._

_The months bled into one another; nothing but sorrow, heartache, and bittersweet happiness at the budding life within. When Brianna made her entrance into this world, I wished with all that was in me that Jamie could have been there. He missed Faith’s birth and ultimate death, and now with Bree, he would miss her birth and life._

_Her birth had been difficult and I wasn’t sure if I would make it. It wasn’t the pain, more the lack thereof. Coolness had begun to seep through my bones that day and the cold November air did nothing to help. I believed I was dying, but I couldn’t. I had to live, not for myself, but for my small precious piece of Jamie._

_Three months had passed, both quickly and slowly, since Brianna’s birth. Her red hair only deepened the older she got, and her eyes the perfect replica of her father’s._

A small wail pierced the air, and my eardrum, as Brianna’s unease increased.

“Shhh darling, shhh.”

I bounced her even more, patting her tiny bum as I went.

“Mummy’s here. You’re safe. You’re loved. You’re wanted. Nothing will ever happen to you so long as I’m here,” I whispered into her wispy red curls, my own tears starting to dot and darken places on her crown.

“Madame!” Suzette exclaimed, running into the room. “A letter has just arrived for you. It’s from a Mrs. Murray!”

“A Mrs…” my eyes widened. “Thank-you, Suzette.”

Suzette curtseyed and left the room, a smile on her face.

I laid Brianna on the blue daybed and ripped the letter open.

“ ** _Sister,_** ” it began in Jenny’s elegant scrawl. She wrote to me. How did she know?

My eyes jumped across the page, not really reading or taking anything in until I got to the end. I could only read the final line over and over again.

“ ** _Come home Claire, come back to Lallybroch. Jamie needs ye._** ”


	2. FIN

“Milady, are you sure?” Suzette asked as she tucked a woolen blanket around Brianna, securing her even further to my chest.

I reached out and gently cupped Suzette’s cheek. “I’m sure, Suzette. Jenny would not have sent the letter if it wasn’t urgent.”

“I still wish to know how she found your whereabouts,” the kindly maid, who was more of a friend than anyone, said gruffly.

“Perhaps Jared let it slip in a letter? I’m not sure, but I do know Jenny’s handwriting. That’s why we’re here,” I said pointing over the side of the ship at the land mass growing steadily closer.

Suzette’s face turned a slight tinge of green as the boat rocked with a forceful lurch.

“I’m sorry Milady, but if you’ll be needing me, I believe I’ll be relieving myself of my gut.” I sighed a small giggle as Suzette lunged for the side of the boat expelling her stomach, before making her way below deck, most likely to cradle a bucket to her chest.

“Suppose it’s just you and me now, huh, my little Bree?” I said, stroking the soft exposed expanse of baby skin. Her small brow furrowed as she grunted and wiggled her head closer to my chest, still deep asleep. I couldn’t help but smile. If Jenny’s letter was anything to go by, Jamie needed me and if luck should have it, he would be alive by the time we slowly made our way across the sea and land to him.

The air was crisp, clean, and smelled more of home the closer we came to Scotland. The green of the land could be seen in detail now: the trees that dotted the shoreline, as well as the pier and seafaring town we would be docking in. My nerves were starting to get the best of me. My palms became clammy and I was glad Brianna was strapped to my chest instead of in my arms; I don’t know if I would have been able to keep hold of her well enough.

“Best get below deck and gather your belongings, Mistress,” a deckhand said from behind me. “We’ll be docking soon and I know the men willna want to tarry long. We have another journey to complete as soon as we can load those barrels on board.” A long leather-browned skinny finger pointed to the mass of supplies that were stacked just offshore.

I let out a breath, “Alright. Thank you. I’ll be sure that my maid and I exit the ship promptly. Please tell your captain that I’m ever grateful for his safe passage to Scotland.”

The young man smiled and nodded. “Aye, ma’am, I shall. I still don’t know what an Englishwoman, and French noble at that, would want with the Scottish Highlands. Nothing but outlaws and criminals live here.”

I didn’t dignify his assumption with a retort, and simply walked below deck to grab Suzette and the meager bags we had packed.

“Milady?”

“Yes, Suzette?” I asked, turning to find my friend awkwardly and stiffly sitting astride one of the horses I managed to purchase.

“Do you think… well,” she cut herself off, “Do you think Master Murtagh might be there?”

Her cheeks instantly turned a brilliant shade of pink. I felt my gaze soften as I took in my friend’s embarrassment. I reached out and grabbed her arm.

“I don’t know. Jenny didn’t say who all was at the estate. There’s a very good possibility that Murtagh is there, but there’s also a chance that he didn’t survive the war.” I squeezed slightly. “Please don’t get your hopes up too much. I’m not even sure what state we will find Jamie in when we get there. I’m hoping for the best but…”

Suzette nodded. “Oui, Milady, I understand. I do pray that he will be restored to me.”

“I hope so too,” I whispered. If she heard me, Suzette didn’t acknowledge my words.

We rode silently for the most part, save for the baby babble from Brianna or her occasional screams of hunger or restlessness.

“No baby!” I cooed during one of her tantrums. She squirmed and wiggled against the bindings that secured her to my chest. “I can’t let you down quite yet. Wait a few more hours for Mama, please?”

“MAMA! DOON! BE DOON OW!” She wailed in my ear. If my memory served me right, we were only a two hours ride from Lallybroch and I didn’t wish to stop except for emergencies.

“Please baby--”

“DOON!” Her persistent wail continued, cutting off my pleas. I quickly looked around and found a small clearing to graze the horses while I attempted to calm Bree’s tantrum. Suzette quietly followed a frown etched on her face.

Bree shrieked again, only in delight when her feet hit the soft springy ground. She wobbled for a moment as though she were thinking of walking, then promptly fell to the ground crawling on the grass, squealing at the new sensation.

It was mid-April in the Highlands and we were lucky that the landscape wasn’t snow covered or being pelted by a deluge of rain. I took the time while Bree was poking at new unknown bugs, to look at the surroundings. I didn’t recognize this area as well as I should have. I was positive we were headed in the right direction, but without map or a guide we didn’t have any way of confirming it until we were further down the road. Broch Mordha should be visible soon, and with it the broch of Broch Tuarach signalling the arrival at Lallybroch. 

The sound of hoofbeats startled me. Suzette squealed and lunged for the horses hoping to keep them in her possession. The last thing we needed to happen was having our main means of transportation stolen. I grabbed Bree and she grunted in protest, but I kept my grip on her tight, clutching her to my chest. A rider and horse slowed their advance as they approached our clearing. The figure’s back was to the sun, his face cast in shadow.

He leaned over, seeming to assess our persons. “My God, it canna be!” a gruff and familiar voice exclaimed. “Claire? Su-suzette?”

His voice cracked on each name, Suzette’s more than mine. Suzette looked as though she were about to faint.

“Murtagh?” I questioned, still trying to see the gruff man’s face. He dismounted and enveloped me in a bone crushing hug, which caused Brianna to scream in protest at being smothered. His bushy eyebrows shot up into the black of his hair as tears streamed down his face.

“You’re no’ dead,” he said simply. “You and a-a child.” Murtagh stuttered and looked down at Brianna, tears flowing faster. “She looks just like Ellen.”

That was all he said before he walked over and scooped Suzette into a searing kiss, then helped her mount her horse.

“We need to be moving lass. Red coat patrols will be coming through here soon.” He swung up on his horse and waited for me to ride mine next to him. “Do you remember the way?”

I nodded. “I think so. We were going to follow the road to the mountain pass. We were going the proper direction, were we not?”

The gruffy man’s eyes crinkled and his beard twitched with a smile. “Och, aye, you’re right enough. If we push the horses we can be home by supper and I ken a few people would like to see ye and the bairn.”

We were closer to Lallybroch than I thought. The journey with Murtagh leading the way lasted less than an hour. The dust clung to my neck, face and skirts. I was sure my hair was a riotous mass of dirt and curls, but I couldn’t care about any of that while staring up at the white stone estate that called to my heart; home.

Dogs barked and Brianna jumped against me, then tried to throw herself off the horse to get to the dogs, one of which was so large Brianna could sit astride him and ride the dog as a horse.

“Og! Mama, og!”

“I see them, sweetheart.” I kissed the top of her now bouncing head. The joy in her small body seemed to be bursting at the seams.

“Quiet you great lumps!” Jenny’s sharp tone cut through the air.

“Jenny!” I whispered at the same time she looked up and a smile split her face.

“Claire!” She promptly pulled me from the horse and crushed me to her. Her shoulders shook with emotion as she clung to me. When she pulled away, I could see the tears that streaked her face. “And who are you mo chridhe?” She sniffed, tenderly caressing Brianna’s head.

“Be!” The little girl grinned and said with a squeal.

Jenny laughed and looped her arm through mine. “Be is it?” She turned to me. “She’s the spit of my brother and mam.”

“Her name is Brianna, Bree for short.” I nuzzled the side of my daughter’s head. “She’s already learning so many words. It’s incredible to see her learn and--”

Jenny grinned a watery smile and nodded. “Aye, I ken what ye mean. Is that why ye were missing? After that battle I mean? Why did you no’ come here first? Ye ken I would have protected ye and the bairn with my life! Did ye no trust me, Claire?”

Her voice was soft and sad, but with the underlying firmness that was all Jenny. I placed my hand on her arm and shook my head. “I tried to come home, but I couldn’t get beyond the red coats. They would have recognized me for Red Jamie’s wife and I had no choice but to flee. I thought...I thought Jamie had died during the battle and I couldn’t bare it if I lost his child as well. I went where I knew we would be safe for a time--”

“You don’t need to continue, though you may want to explain this all to your husband,” Jenny said pulling us into the kitchen, and with a jerk of her head pointed to a cellar door.

“He’s--?”

“Aye, deep in the back--beyond the potato sacks--you’ll find another door hidden in the dark. He’s down there, in the priest’s hole.”

I took a shuddering breath as Jenny patted me on the shoulder then shoved me towards the cellar once more.

Slowly, I descended into the cellar and felt my way around to the priest’s hole. A faint glow came from the ground beyond the potatoes, then extinguished just as fast. If I hadn’t known the door was there, I would have thought it a trick of the dark and the light coming from above. Kneeling down, I rapped my knuckles on the boards of the priest hole and called out, “Jamie?”

The door burst open and in the dark I could faintly make out his form. Tears clouded my eyes as I quickly clambered down shutting the door again and threw myself into his arms.

“Mo graidh, tha goal agam ort. I’m no’ dreaming am I?” His voice was rough from disuse, but still the same deep burr I dreamed about.

“If you’re dreaming then I am dreaming as well.” I clung to him, soaking in the feel of him, and even accepting the stench of him that had to be from his living in solitary for so long.

“Please dinna be a dream, Sorcha, please!” he begged, and clung to me tighter. “Oh, Christ!”

He gasped as he felt Brianna’s small hand press against his chest. “Mama, doon?”

I heard Jamie sob as he fell to the floor and lit the taper, giving the room a soft yellow glow.

Setting Brianna down slowly, I knelt beside her. “Brianna, sweetheart?” Her bright blue eyes whipped between mine and Jamie’s in question. “This is your daddy.”

“Da?”

I nodded, my tears beginning to fall. “Yes, sweetheart, that’s your Da.”

Jamie sat, tears freely flowing down his dirt and beard covered face, but through it all I could make out the red of his hair and beard and the bright blue of his eyes. Brianna crawled over to him and patted at his chest and face, then patted her hair.

He grabbed her hand and gave it a small kiss, the whiskers of his beard causing her to giggle. “Aye, mo nighean ruiadh, we have the same hair and eyes.”

“Da?” She whispered, which was probably the quietest I had ever heard my daughter.

Jamie nodded again and began to sob louder when Brianna threw herself at his chest and burrowed her face overtop where his heart lay. She gave out a big sigh, then reached back towards me.

“Mama, doon?”

On shaky legs, I joined them on the ground wrapping one arm around Bree while resting against the right side of Jamie’s shaking chest.

“Thank you, Dear God in Heaven, I thank you for the safe return of my family,” he said in reverent prayer while holding us tighter to him.

“I’m not leaving you again Jamie Fraser, so don’t ask it of me.”

 “Never, mo graidh. I’ll never ask that of ye again.”


End file.
